I’ve been banned from BPDfamily.com

Support forum gone wrong continues and gets worse.

And fuck it, I’m not long afraid to not disclose the website. It’s BPDfamily.com and the site has gone to hell.

This morning I got up and discovered that our board was deleted and all that was left was the new “Healing” board. All my old posts are gone. I never got the chance to save them.

They’d shut down and banned those of us from the old Coping board. A big red message appeared at the top of the page stating:

A MESSAGE FROM THE MODERATOR: Hi, (Username). Both the post and send personal message functions on your FTF account have been temporarily inactived.

The ACoBPD boards are being offered on an invitation basis to current “Coping” members. If you are interested and agree to the board platforms and the dual board set-up, please RSVP to admin@bpdfamily.com before Friday, October 19th midnight CST.

I was still logged in at this point and able to read the boards. But just now, upon refreshing the board, I found I had been logged out. The above message was repeated but instead it said “Hi, Guess” and then below it was this:

An Error Has Occurred! Hello (Username). Your access to bpdfamily.com is temporarily restricted.
The ACoBPD boards are being offered on an invitation basis to current “Coping” members. If you are interested and agree to the board platforms and the dual board set-up, please RSVP to admin@bpdfamily.com before Friday, October 19th midnight CST.

I found I’m really really really upset over this.

Every since the Dayboard stuff went down I’ve been completely silent. I haven’t posted on BPDfamily. I haven’t questioned anything. I’ve been silent and kept my head down. I wanted to stay under the radar. I wanted to be ignored. I didn’t want to be targeted and banned. I’m just…

Ugh.

ETA 9/28/2013 – I’m disabling comments on this post for a while. I’m over what happened at BPDfamily, and I’m kind of tired of it being brought up again and again. I’ve said my piece. I’ve told what happened. This is the truth of what went down. I don’t really want to keep talking about it.

Support Forum Gone to Hell

I’m done. I’m just… done.

So the Power Tripping Narcissist Mod posted earlier this morning, going on and on about “wisemind” and basically trying to use DBT on all of us. Some continued to try to reason with him in vain. He continued to be dismissive and condescending.

Then the Private Message feature was disabled. When threads were posted asking why this is, they were locked and one of the mods said this:

We are preparing an announcement.

Regretfully, we have a number of complaints from members receiving unsolicited PMs from some members of this board requesting private information, providing untrue emotionally inflammatory information, and soliciting members for another support group.

The PM system has been shut down for safety and privacy reasons.

We already suspected they were blocking and disabling some of us from PMing others. I had no illusion that PMs were truly private, and have suspected the Mods were watching us.

All any of us were doing were reaching out to each other amongst ourselves, in order to keep in touch off the board, since many of us are leaving. We set up a private mailing list to communicate with each other, and many of us moved to another support forum (which turns out to be run by very very old members of THIS group for left a while ago).

But now we’re being painted black and it’s turning into a witch hunt.

I’m so fucking angry, this is fucked up bullshit.

Support Forum Drama continued

So, despite 20 out of 30 responses saying they don’t want the boards to change, and are uncomfortable with the staff involving itself in these issues… today the Coping with PD Parents board was split into two boards. One is supposed to be for “Venting” and the other for “Healing” and at the same time one is for maintaining relationship with PD parents, and one is for estrangement.

It… makes no sense. At all.

The person who posted complaining about the group was banned, and the mods called him a troll and thanked the other members for not responding. Yet they haven’t locked the thread or deleted it yet. I’m certain this is because they’re trying to bait people into responding to the post so they know who else to ban.

It’s disgusting.

 

Support Forum Drama

Oh, I have a feeling shit is about to go down.

The admins in my support forum just posted a member survey. Well, I don’t know which specific admins are doing it… They’re posting under the “Support Forum Name” account, so basically they’re posting anonymously. Anyway, the posted a member survey asking that if they create new boards, will you be apart of the No Contact or Low Contact boards, and would you be part of the “Healing-Taking Responsibility/Tools” board or the “Venting-Inventorying the Injustices of my FOO” board.

Guess what people are responding with?

They’re saying that they don’t want the boards to change, they don’t want staff getting involved, and that they consider venting a part of the healing process.

Hah, guys, that’s SO not what the Admin Staff wants to here.
Ohhhhh. And someone just posted that they’re concerned with the integrity of the forum because like every other thread is being edited by staff. I doubt that stays up long.

=/ This is awful. I can’t believe this group is going so wrong…

Panic and Drama, oh my

So, I called my insurance yesterday to try to find out what’s going on. For some reason they won’t pay my therapist directly. I don’t know.

Anyway, I was told that a reimbursement check had been sent, but it’s going to my dad directly. I was told the only way to put an alternate address or something on there is to file a Confidential Communications form, which is supposed to be if you are endangered by the release of your information.

For some reason this triggered off an awful anxiety attack. My chest hurt SO bad and I shut down for a while. I crawled into bed and just laid there for several hours. I texted J a couple of times, and at first she wasn’t understanding what I was telling her, but then she got it.

I also e-mailed M about it, and am waiting for her to get back to me.

I don’t know why exactly this triggered me off so badly. I’m still processing and trying to figure this out.

 

Then there was all this very weird, very triggering drama going on on the support forum I belong to. The admins invited a bunch of us from the children of PD parents boards to a private board, making it sound like they wanted out feedback on how to improve the boards and make them more healing. Instead we were repeatedly ignored, and invalidated, and told that “venting” is not healing. The admins kept going on about wanting to reduce the amount of venting on the boards, and made it sound like we were “stuck” and not moving forward. They talked as if we were having a giant pity party and all just playing victim. We repeatedly tried to explain that venting IS apart of healing, and that it’s not JUST venting. There is a lot of advice given, and processing that also goes on on the boards. It’s NOT just everyone responding, “Yeah, your mom’s a total bitch!” There is a huge amount of support and helping each other figure things out and learn to take care of ourselves.

Then the admins closed up the discussions and ended things without any resolution or acknowledging that what we were saying was being heard. It was like, we didn’t say what they wanted to hear, so they took their ball and decided to go home. Or, like they swept everything under the rug, wanting to pretend it didn’t happen. It’s left a lot of us rather upset and triggered, reminded of our PD parents acting the exact same way.

What really pissed me off was when one of the admins said, “In the end, no one is going to force you to heal”

Excuse me? That’s basically like saying we’re not healing.

I’m sorry, if I wasn’t healing, if what we were doing on those boards wasn’t working, then I’d still be living with my abuses and crying over being a victim. But I’m not. I moved out. I learned how strong I can be and that I do deserve to take care of myself.

The whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. I’m not leaving the forum, yet, but I think I’ll be more cautious now. I don’t feel as safe as  I used to.