I screwed up.

So more anxiety. Awesome. I don’t know how much more I can take. The old tracks are playing loud and clear, and all I want to do is run away. Run home with my tail between my legs because I’m a coward.

I got in trouble at work today. Which I kind of deserved. Because I was texting at work a couple of times, and I guess people told on me. (Irony here, half the damn time it was probably my therapist I was texting.)

And I also found out starting tomorrow I’m switching desks with this other girl and I have to sit next to triggering lead lady form now on. And I don’t know why.

I feels like having to sit next to the teacher’s desk because you’re in trouble.

And I DON’T. KNOW. WHY.

Other than the fact I’m a shitty ass employee, obviously.

And I’m dreading it so much because this lady triggers me so god damn much.

And all I can keep thinking is that I’m going to end up fired within the next month. And then I’ll have ended up adding little to nothing to my savings, and I also won’t have a reference. Which just sucks.

I just want to curl up and cry. I feel like a failure. And I HATE the small part of me that wants to run away, go home, back to my mom and dad, where I’ll be abused and dependent on them but I won’t have to deal with all this scary ass shit that I can’t handle. I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m not good enough.

I can’t even take a pill and hope it’ll all go away because I can’t get my prescriptions because the psychiatrist I saw forgot to give me back my freaking insurance card.