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Landslides Are Apparently Boring

Today I was supposed to see my psychiatrist. I get to the bus stop only to find out the bus isn’t running apparently due to a “landslide”. Me, having only been here a year, forgot that these sorts of things happen when it rains almost nonstop for nearly a week in hilly mountainy areas. The only other way to get to my psychiatrist office would’ve been taking several buses all the way around through downtown then back up into NW, and I wouldn’t have gotten there until nearly noon. It takes like an hour and a half to go the long way about anyway, but I’m sure traffic is a nightmare with everyone having to detour and go through downtown when normally they’d cut through the highway and NW area. So it probably would’ve turned the bus trip into 2 or 3 hours.

I panicked and ran around a bit then finally called my psychiatrist and left him a voice mail explaining I really have no way of getting there. It was completely impossible. He called me back a while later and we rescheduled for next week.

Now that I’m home I got online to check it out, the “landslide” is actually just some downed trees the knocked out some powerlines. I heard landslide and thought it would be something more… dramatic. I’m not FROM HERE. I don’t know what to expect with this stuff. In Florida, the only time I ever heard about landslides was on the news in other other parts on the US when hey were giant avalanches of earth and tress and destruction. Not… a couple trees falling on some powerlines. What.

Anyway.

I’m slowly pulling myself together. Sunday was sucky. I went to therapy, and we ended up going for a walk, since I had so much energy. It seemed to help, gave me something to do at least. Even when my anxiety is through the roof and extremely physical where it’s making me jittery and shaky and restless, and I know it might help to move around to do something with all that anxious energy, my first thought is not to do that. I tend to sit, curl up on myself and try so hard to contain it inside. It just makes me feel worse, but I can’t help wanting to stuff it down and contain it. So we went for a walk, and I just started talking, on and on.

When we got back, M noticed how as soon as we were back in the room I wasn’t talking. That I did most of the talking while we were out on our walk. I do a lot more thinking when I’m in the therapy room, and listening more closely to my thoughts and feelings. When we were walking I do talk more but I feel like I’m not paying as much attention. I’m talking without thinking and I don’t even remember a lot of what I say. I’m distracted taking in everything else around me.

It wasn’t helping that back in the room I was distracted by the loud thoughts of how I wanted to reach out and ask M to sit with me. But I still have a hard time asking for things and it can take me a while to work up the nerve and that can be really really distracting.

But yeah. I got through my mom’s birthday, nothing happened. Now I just need to let it go.

I’m still mostly coming down from Sunday I think. I’m still edgey and having a hard time getting out of bed.

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Herp derp

I’m tech savvy, I swear I am!

But I only just figured out why I’m not getting e-mail updates when people post. Ha.

Also, I can never remember how to find who’s following me. I know there’s a list somewhere here on WordPress, but I always forget where it is. (ETA: I FOUND IT. Duh. I feel dumb.)

I’m trying to start reading more blogs. I feel bad sometimes that I don’t read more, especially when I have a surprising amount of followers. Like, really surprising. When I started this, it was mostly for myself. I wasn’t expecting anyone to actually read it! But, thank you for reading and for wanting to continue reading! It’s awesome to know people understand and even care. It’s not something I’m used to.

-Defy

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Blaaaaaaaaah

I can’t breathe. I can’t taste. I can’t hear.

Cold medicine doesn’t do shit.

Stupid body. Please get better. I have to work tomorrow and see a psychiatrist.

And maybe a doctor.

My head feels like it’s in a fog.

And it’s 63 degrees. At almost noon. In August. Fuck. S’too cold.

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Award Acceptance, yay!

I received this away from A Year in the Life of PTSD! Yay

So here’s 7 things about me:

  1. I like cats.
  2. I dabble in art when I have the time; I like art journaling with mixed media- crayons, markers, watercolor, acrylics, ink, glue, collage. I just like to play with media. I don’t do it often, and since I’ve moved I have no supplies. =(
  3. I’m a very slow reader. I can’t always read for hours on end because I get restless and distracted easily.
  4. Oreos are my weakness.
  5. I make beaded jewelry.
  6. I’m trying to teach myself to knit but I tend to abandon my projects for weeks at a time.
  7. I’m scared I’ll always be crazy.

Nominations?

Uhm. I don’t read a lot of blogs- I don’t have a lot of time.

Crazy in the Coconut – I read her blog, so I nominate her. =)

The rules:

  1. Display the award logo somewhere on the blog
  2. Link back to the blog of the person who nominated you.
  3. State 7 things about yourself
  4. Nominate up to 15 other bloggers for the award and provide links to their blogs
  5. Notify those bloggers that they have been nominated and of the award’s requirements

 

Thank you! =)

-Defy